Total Nonsense.

Posted: February 20, 2013 in Uncategorized



“You know one thing that I remain unfailing good at?  Life.”

“My dogs entered male modeling school today.”

“Are you going to finish that kale quinoa with pesticide free beets grown on my Brooklyn rooftop and sauteed in my personally branded truffle oil?”

“So I had to break up the sex party in my waterfront condo just to make it to work today.”

“Why do girls always think their boyfriends are going to cheat on them with me?”

“You know something so crazy that it almost defies logic altogether?  … that I’m not famous yet.”

“Well, what I said is still true; I really am sorry that you feel that way…”

“You don’t need Valentine’s Day when you thoroughly love yourself.”

That last statement rings partially true to me.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m entering this discussion a little late to the soiree, but I have this theory about Valentine’s Day; that rather than a holiday that celebrates love and commitment like it’s supposed to, what it quickly turns into without fail is a kind of overglorified litmus test for monogamous couples everywhere.  Which is maybe why so many people use February as a definitive chance to propose or call the whole thing off.

As a former boss used to say “Either it takes a lot of guts or a limited imagination.”

Does time give any validity to the things we own, who our real friends are, who we choose to start families with, or even the ability to fight disease?  Maybe time is a form of organization against the things that we can’t organize.  Maybe counting (down) the months is the most organized way to prepare for impending disaster or the perfected illusion of what a future with that person might actually entail.  So many people are getting engaged right now that I hate to adopt a cynical attitude over it.  But they deserve to know one thing: that I’m onto them.

Is anyone following the story about that paraplegic runner who denies killing his girlfriend in their hotel bathroom on V.Day?

This is him, by the way…


His last name is Pistorius.  And it could have been me who was murdered that night!


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