The Ordeal That Reinvented The Wheel

Posted: November 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

berndnaut-cloud-room

The day I turned 27, I vowed to myself to live a very long life.

Call this a quick and defensive reaction to my own artistic failures.  You see, inside this anarchic treasure chest that one might mistake for “my body of work” are somewhere up to 5 full-length plays.  7 song cycles.  Approximately 400 completed songs and compositions.  2012 fits and starts of nothings and somethings.  Probably more nothings than somethings.  I’m not in the business of trying to impress anybody here.  I guess my point is, if the Transatlantic plane were to ever crash before reaching the Virgin Islands and the right investigators were summoned, they would manage to find something.  But an internationally-appraised artist I am not.  Nor am  the local “It” boy in The Village Voice.  And I’m okay with that.  Really, I am.  And since the most irresponsible thing a person can do is blame others for their obscurity, I’m hoping that will eventually somehow become a trail of organized footprints to lead an investigator, if he or she should wish, to some of these works; these impatient geographies, these roads to nowhere and everywhere…

God, this is beginning to read like a pretentious suicide note.  How does one who vows to live a very long life end up constantly sounding like such a fucking dealbreaker?

Instead, I am going to become that person, unlike any other person that you’ve met your life.  I’m going to wear choleric red frightwigs instead of winter hats.  A soldier’s suit with golden sequins to piss off Midwestern farmboys who stop me on the Bowery to tell me my faggoty fanfare is a disrespect to their dead heroes.  I’m going to be observed in the last of the dingy East Village dive bars showing you and everyone else the multitudes I contain, and the dimensions and glory to which they are uncontainable!  And instead of this coming across as desperate or egomaniacal, it will grow on you, and you will come to see this as charming.  Brave, even.  As if I have conquered something in myself that both disarms and exposes the monstrosity that you didn’t know you were.  That $430 ticket you spent on that Lady Gaga concert was wasted.  Not that you ever had anything to be ashamed of…

And I am going to keep making culture.

And I will not live a small and secret life, anymore.

And I remember every single moment of the next few months, which I have decided to dub The Ordeal That Reinvented The Wheel.

I am 28 now.

Last night, I was diagnosed with cancer.

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  2. […] 1. The Ordeal That Reinvented The Wheel […]

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